What's Going on Beneath the Surface?

I love this time of year when fresh fruit is in season. Recently I bought some beautiful looking nectarines. They were still hard, so I let them sit on the counter for a few days to ripen. This morning one seemed perfectly ripe, tender to the touch, flawless bright red and orange skin, so I decided to cut into it.

But what I saw on the inside was not at all what I expected! The pit was dark, moldy, and decaying. And the rot was spreading to the flesh of the fruit from the inside out. 

I had no idea by looking at the outside of this fruit what was going on inside at its very core.

I couldn’t help but think how much this is like our lives.

We work so hard to make our lives look healthy and beautiful on the outside, like we have it all together, like everything is fine, even perfect.

We try so hard to control our outer appearance, telling others we’re good, pushing ourselves to do more, pretending like we’ve got it all figured out.

But what’s going on beneath the surface?

If we were to open ourselves up and see what’s inside at our core, what would we find?

I think many of us would find some dark spots, some rot or decay that’s slowly eating away at us from the inside out, spoiling other parts of our lives.

Maybe we’re holding onto some anger or resentment that’s building up and causing us to be irritable and impatient with people we love.

Perhaps we’re stuck in a trap of comparison, looking at others’ lives, telling ourselves that we’ll never measure up or be enough, and judging or criticizing ourselves or those around us.

Perfectionism can also eat away at us, feeling like we have to look perfect, act perfect, be perfect in order to be loved and accepted, placing these impossible standards on our family or friends and causing a strain in our relationships.

Or we might be struggling with fear or anxiety, constantly worrying about what’s going to happen and doubting that we can handle one more hard thing, robbing us of our serenity.

For some of us shame might be festering inside of us, feeling like we’re unlovable or unworthy because of things we’ve done or things that have happened to us. We keep ourselves at a distance because we don’t want anyone to know who we ‘really’ are.

I have struggled with most of these things myself, so I’m speaking from personal experience here. No judgment or condemnation.

What’s going on beneath the surface for you?

When we hide these dark parts of ourselves, they will begin to rot and decay and spread to other parts of our lives. We may look good on the outside, like the nectarine, but a rotten core spoils the fruit.

I was able to remove the rotten parts of the nectarine and salvage about half of it, which was juicy and sweet and delicious. If I had let it sit even longer, the rot would have eventually spread to the surface of the fruit and the whole thing would have been a goner.

Thankfully, we will never be a goner. 

We are never too far gone to heal the dark places and restore the rotten places in our lives. Sure, we may be bruised, but so is most other fruit by the time it makes its way to our kitchen counter. (You know I’m not just talking about fruit, right?)

We have a loving God who gives us mercy, grace, and forgiveness to heal the dark parts inside of us. We all have them, no one is free of sin. 

But he paid the price for our sins and will step into the darkest parts of our lives and heal our brokenness, not because we deserve it, but because he loves us that much. 

He loves YOU that much.

And all we have to do is turn our eyes to him and ask for help. That’s all he wants from us. He wants to walk alongside us in whatever we are facing, no matter how hard it is or how far gone we may feel. He wants us to seek him, and he will be there.

We have a choice to make. 

We can choose to keep our hearts closed up, ignore the dark spots that are rotting away from the inside out, and pretend like nothing is wrong. That’s a choice.

But how long will that last before the darkness spreads to the surface and we can’t hide it anymore?

Or…

We can choose to open ourselves up and take a look at what’s inside our hearts, bring the darkness to the light, begin to remove the rotten parts and regrow the fruitful parts of our lives.

So how do we do that?

First, we need to know that we can’t do it alone. 

Fruit doesn’t grow in isolation on a tree, it has a strong support system that helps it grow. And we need that too. 

We can reach out to someone we trust to speak truth into our lives, a friend, family member, mentor, pastor or church leader, or even a therapist, counselor or coach. We can join a support group of people who are struggling with the same issues. 

It’s so important to know that you are not alone and to surround yourself with a supportive community.

Then, we need to start talking about what’s going on beneath the surface. 

We need to be open, honest, and vulnerable about our struggles. It may be hard to talk about at first, but the more we open up, the more we are able to receive the love, compassion, and forgiveness that we need to heal and grow.

I love the phrase “name it to tame it”. Talking about what we’re feeling and naming the emotion keeps our feelings right-sized. When we hold them in or try to stuff them down, they get bigger and bigger until we are forced to pay attention to them.

Talking about our experiences and emotions normalizes them and builds connection by allowing others to show up for us and support us.

Finally, we need to take really good care of ourselves.

Usually we are harder on ourselves than we would be to our loved ones. Let’s think about how we would talk to our best friend if they were going through the same thing. I know I would have lots of compassion and remind them how much I love and care for them.

What if we treated ourselves like our best friend?

Let’s give ourselves lots of self-compassion, grace, mercy, and forgiveness. We all deserve that.

Taking care of ourselves also includes making time to connect with others, checking in with what we need and honoring that, and resting when we need it.

So, what’s going on beneath the surface for you right now? What do you need to pay attention to so that it doesn’t spoil the good parts of your life?

I’m reminded of Galatians 5:22, which says, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” 

Which fruit of the Spirit would you like to have more of in your life? What’s going on beneath the surface that might be getting in the way?

I would love to walk alongside you on your journey of self-discovery and growth. Contact me to learn more about how we can work together.