What Is Personal Growth?

I have been on a personal growth journey for the last eleven years. It has not been an easy process, but it has been transformative. Who I am today and how I show up for myself and others is vastly different than ten years ago because of the work I have done on myself.

I tell you this, not to be boastful in any way, but to share from experience that we can change ourselves  if we commit to the process and doing the work. And I believe that personal growth is the best investment you can make in yourself because it impacts all areas of your life.

An Inside Out Process

Often we seek to improve things outside of ourselves - our jobs, marriage, relationships, parenting, physical appearance, fitness, you name it. But the truth is that, until we do the work to change ourselves on the inside, these other areas of our life will not improve. 

I love the saying, “wherever you go, there you are.” The hurts, habits and hang-ups that affect one area of our lives will affect all aspects of our lives no matter how hard we try to outrun them. We will always be the common denominator in our problems.

Personal growth is an inside out process. We have to grow starting from the inside in order to make changes in the outside parts of our lives.

So, what exactly is personal growth? 

Personal growth is the process of becoming more aware of yourself and taking steps to improve your life in a meaningful way. It means paying attention to the pain points and developing new skills, attitudes, and actions or reactions to increase your overall well-being.

Reaching the Breaking Point

The decision to change usually comes after we reach a breaking point in our lives. When the pain we are suffering outweighs the benefits of our behaviors and choices, we may decide it’s time to start doing something differently.

My breaking point came when alcoholism started destroying my first marriage and life became completely unmanageable. I tried for a long time to hide what was going on, pretending it wasn’t ‘that bad’. I enabled bad behavior and made excuses for things that I knew weren’t okay. 

And I blamed him for everything that was going wrong. I was in denial for a long time that my behavior was also not okay. I had developed my own unhealthy patterns to cope with what was happening - blaming, raging, controlling, just to name a few. 

It got to the point that I no longer knew who I was, and I did not like myself. I had strayed so far from my values and isolated myself from those I loved. And I turned my back on God because I thought he had abandoned me. 

Your breaking point may be a relationship that you’ve tried hard to ‘fix’ but only seems to get worse, whether in a marriage, with kids or parents, at work, or in your home. 

Maybe you constantly try to make others happy by doing everything for them without thinking about yourself, and you’re tired of feeling angry and resentful. 

Or your breaking point might be that one thing  that you keep doing over and over and keep telling yourself that you’re going to stop but can’t and it’s starting to impact how you show up for others. 

For many of us the expectation of perfectionism that we place on ourselves can be crippling and self-destructive and we need to change our perspective.

Whatever it is, admitting you can’t keep doing things the same way anymore is an indication that you are ready to start your personal growth journey.

What area of your life are you starting to realize has become unmanageable? Are you ready to start doing things differently?

Letting Go of Control

Admitting I was part of the problem was hard, but even harder was the next step I had to face: letting go of control. 

I tried for a long time to control other people and my circumstances. I thought I could make people change or want to change. I believed that if only I worked harder or sacrificed more of myself things would get better, or at least bad things would stop happening. You can guess how well that worked out for me…

Despite my best attempts at playing the role of God in my life, everything came crashing down around me - my marriage, my family, my home, my finances, my security, my hopes and dreams. Unfortunately, much of that happened because someone else’s consequences landed on me, but I was by no means faultless in the process.

Letting go of control is really hard to do. Allowing those we love to suffer their own consequences without interfering is painful. Admitting that we are not strong enough to carry the weight of the world on our own is humbling. Letting go of the need to have things be perfect or expecting things to turn out a certain way is difficult.

It’s scary not to know how things are going to turn out or what might happen to those we love if we take our hands off. But the reality is, we are not in control of any of it. 

We may have the illusion of control, but we do not have control over other people or our circumstances.

Yes, we can make decisions to affect certain outcomes, but we do not have control over those outcomes. I know that might be hard to hear, but it’s the truth. 

But the good news is that God does have control. He knows the exact plan for your life and your loved ones’ lives, and he will work things out for good when we trust in him and surrender our control over to him.

When we try to take back control, he will allow things to happen to remind us of who is really in control to help us learn to let go.

Ever wonder why the same hard thing keeps happening to you over and over? I have asked myself that so many times! And I have learned the hard way this is a sign that I need to let go of controlling that thing. God is telling me to release my grip and hand it over him so he can take care of it for me. 

It has been so hard for me to surrender control over my marriage, my kids, my finances, my career, my loved ones, and all the hard things going on around me. I have grown into this strong, independent woman, and I want to make things happen! But controlling other people and events is not how God calls me to use my strength.

In order for personal growth to happen, we need to let go of our desire to control and start to believe that the God of the universe has a plan for us. A good plan.

What areas of your life do you notice you’re trying to control? What would it be like to start letting go of control and trusting God to take care of you?

Following God’s Will

This doesn’t mean that we just give up, stop trying, and throw our hands up in the air. We are admitting that we are powerless, but that does not mean we are helpless.

We cannot control other people, but we can control what goes on inside of us. We have control over our thoughts, attitudes, choices, actions, and reactions. 

When we let go of controlling things outside of us, we can start to focus on ourselves and our personal growth. 

We start getting clear about who God created us to be - our skills, strengths, talents, and values. We learn to use these gifts to better align our lives with his purpose and plan for us. 

We learn to slow down, rest, and take care of ourselves, a foreign concept for many of us who are constantly on the go, keeping busy from morning to night taking care of others (I’m looking at you, moms, because I do the same thing!). But remember that God made the seventh day a day of rest? Yes, even God rests and calls us to do the same.

In those moments of quiet and stillness, and even in the busy ones, we start learning to turn our eyes to God, asking him to guide us and show us his will. 

And we listen for his answer. We may not like or understand his answer, but remember who is in charge here. He has the plan and knows where we are going. Our job is to listen and follow.

I know when I’m following God’s will, I feel completely at peace. I feel it in my whole body, this trusting and knowing that I don’t have to worry. When I try to force things to happen or expect a certain outcome, I feel anxious, worried, fearful, and I notice my old thoughts and behaviors start to creep back in.

Letting go of control and turning our will over to God takes time and practice. I have to work on this every day even, after eleven years, and believe I will work on it for the rest of my life. 

But God wants us to continue seeking him. That’s how we grow our relationship with him.

When we have faith, ask him for guidance, and trust him to provide for us, he will reveal his glorious plan for us. He will not forget us or abandon us. He promises us an abundant life when we follow him.

So how do we follow his will for us? We do the work on ourselves that allows us to become the individuals he created us to be and live the way he calls us to live.

Personal Growth is a Journey

Personal growth is a journey that takes time, patience, commitment, and lots of grace. These are some of the ways I’ve experienced personal growth. It may look different for you, but the possibilities for growth are endless and personal to each one of us.

We begin paying attention to our thoughts and holding captive the ones that do not serve us. We notice the stories we tell ourselves over and over and begin to write new stories about who God says we are.

We start to notice our feelings and allow ourselves to feel them, paying attention to what our feelings are telling us so we can take care of ourselves. We turn to God for comfort instead of numbing, stuffing, or avoiding our feelings.

We take responsibility for our choices and actions. We stop blaming, enabling, caretaking, or trying to fix others and learn to set boundaries to protect ourselves and allow others to live their own lives. We stop and think before we react and hurt those we love with our words or behaviors.

We start looking to God for our worth and our identity instead of allowing the world to tell us who we should be or what we are worth. We aim to please God above others and trust how much he loves us and wants good for us.

We take care of our physical bodies, making sure we get the sleep, exercise, nutrition, rest, and healthcare that we need, knowing that these things directly impact our mood, attitude, thoughts, feelings, and behavior.

We start practicing gratitude for all the blessings in our life, and eventually we grow to be thankful for the hardships because they help us learn and grow. We learn to see the abundance that God has for us rather than living with a scarcity mindset.

Personal growth is a journey, not a destination. We are never really done growing and changing because we’ll never reach perfection. But we can keep improving with God’s help and find contentment, happiness, peace, love and joy in our lives.

And we all deserve more of that.

What is one step you can take to start or continue your personal growth journey?

I’d love to walk alongside you on your journey, so contact me any time!