Life Lessons from a Teenager

Yesterday we celebrated my oldest daughter’s 16th birthday. At one point in time I did not look forward to this birthday when I would hand over the keys to a car and release her into the world on her own. 

But now that this day has come, I feel surprisingly ready for her to take the wheel.

Over the summer something changed in her. Her outlook on life has grown in maturity and wisdom, and I’m proud of the young woman she’s becoming. I’m excited for her to spread her wings and fly because I know she’s got this.

My daughter is very much an extrovert and shares everything that’s on her mind, which is both exhausting and wonderful (because I know she won’t keep secrets from me!). As the new school year approaches, she has been reflecting on her first two years of high school and sharing her goals for her junior year. 

I love the wisdom in her goals and feel like these are important life lessons for all of us in every stage of life. 

These are life lessons from a teenager (and some of my insights because, well, these are things we talk about frequently)…

Show kindness to people. 

You don’t have to like everyone, but you do need to be nice to them. Often the people who are the least kind are the ones who need kindness the most. And let go of grudges because it only hurts yourself.

Our world can use a lot more kindness, compassion, empathy, and forgiveness. Kindness is a choice. With every interaction we have, we can choose an act of kindness, no matter how small. A friendly smile or simple ‘hello’ can make a big difference.

When someone hurts or wrongs us, we get to choose how to respond. We can respond with anger, bitterness, blame or revenge…or we can put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and try to understand what they might be walking through. We can have empathy.

One of my favorite phrases is hurt people hurt people. Often people who lash out do so because they are hurting. Anger is a mask that covers up a deeper wound, such as shame, embarrassment, sadness, guilt, hurt, or fear. We can pause before acting out of anger and choose to show compassion for the other person. We can think about how we would want someone to treat us if the roles were reversed.

We can also choose to forgive those who wrong us because forgiveness frees us from our own bitterness and resentment. Forgiveness is not about the other person, rather it’s for our own healing. God forgives us and we are called to do the same for others, no matter how they have treated us. 

Don’t worry about the people who don’t like you. 

They may not like you because of their own insecurity or jealousy, which is more about them than you. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good.

No matter how hard we try, we can’t make everybody like us and it’s exhausting to even try. Worrying about what others think of us is also exhausting. We have no control over other people. None. 

But we can control who we spend our time with and who we allow to speak into our lives. We can choose to spend time with people who fill us up and to put boundaries around people who drain us.

Others’ opinions of us do not define our value or worth. Only God can do that. We need to keep our focus on our maker, who he created us to be, and how much he loves us. 

Embrace your faith and don’t hide it.  

Let God’s light shine through you for others to see because that is how we spread his love. The people who don’t accept me because of my faith are not my people.

My daughter chose to wear her cross necklace for her school pictures because she wants others to know about her faith. I think that’s a really brave move in a public high school!

Religion is one of those topics that can be controversial, like politics, and I have often hid my faith to avoid judgment and condemnation. Like during the 18 years I taught in a public school in a very liberal district. 

But our faith is not the same as religion. I get that religion has wounded many people and turned them away from the church, and that’s not what I’m talking about.

Our faith allows God to shine his light through us so that others may see the freedom, peace, and joy we have and be drawn to him. It’s about attraction rather than promotion.

I’m so incredibly proud of my daughter for embracing her faith. And I realize we’ve been walking this journey together. She’s watched me struggle with my own fear of judgment around my faith and making the decision not to hide that part of me anymore.

Our faith has given us the confidence and reassurance that we can get through hard times and that we are never alone.

Work hard but also have fun. 

Take challenging classes, get good grades, get a job to earn money, but also enjoy this time with friends. Lean on them when things get hard.

I love this one because it seems so simple, but for me it can be so hard. To be honest, I’m not very good at having fun. I’m really good at working hard, but sometimes I push myself too hard and don’t allow myself to take a break. I tell myself I don’t have time for fun, or that I’m not being responsible if I stop and play. I prioritize work over play.

But play is so good for us, even as adults. Play can reduce stress and anxiety, reignite creativity and curiosity, improve relationships, and bring happiness and joy. Laughter is the best medicine, right?

We have four teenagers in the house, and I have found that laughter is the best way to connect with them. My husband and I try to use their ‘lingo’ (incorrectly on purpose), and it leads to all sorts of silliness. I think humor is the only way I will survive the teenage years!

Friendship and community are also so important.At first I was a little annoyed at first that my daughter and her friends were trying to rearrange their schedules to have lunch together. I mean, really, is that your first priority?

But then I heard them talk about why. That’s the only time of day they get to see each other and check in. And when things get hard, as they do so often in high school, they depend on each other for support. They crave that time to catch their breath and fill each other up before the second half of their day. They need that time for their mental and emotional health.

I get it. I have friends and support groups that I depend on for the same thing. So yes, fun and friends are so important. 

We all need a time and place to lay our burdens down, to connect with others, to lighten our load.

So Much Gratitude

I feel so grateful for my daughter’s growth, her wisdom, her big heart, and the light she shines into the world. Her path has not been easy, and for some time I worried about how the losses she faced would impact her life. 

And now I see how they have.

Her struggles have made her stronger, braver, more resilient, and more deeply connected to her faith. I know that she can overcome anything, so I don’t worry (as much) about the hardships she might face in her future. 

As long as we keep our eyes on God, we can have confidence that he will take care of us.

Which of the life lessons resonated the most with you?